Rodger had been drinking and was doing 90 miles per hour without a license at 3 a. m. when police stopped him. They cuffed him and locked him in their cruiser while writing up the paper work. Somehow he escaped and killed himself. The family wonders if the police were at fault, but many of us might wonder why Rodger’s parents did not stop their 16-year-old from drinking at home and driving drunk at 90 mph with no license.

Almost one-quarter of our teens are alcohol abusers by the time they leave high school. And alcohol-related accidents remain one of the biggest killers of our sons and daughters until they pass their 20s. Yet many parents will give their teens a pass for the holidays or special occasions. While teens make up only 6.9 percent of the legal-age drinking population, they account for 13 percent of alcohol-related fatal accidents. Rodger would not even be counted since he was not of legal age.

In 2007, expect more deaths because of drunk driving – some of them will be teenagers and their parents will get that terrible phone call and pray, in that first heart-stopping instant, that it only involves an arrest or accident and not injury or death. The statistics would say they probably gave permission for the drinking after extracting a few promises: no driving, no craziness, don’t drink too much-—all violated at the fatal moment.

Looking beyond the short-term to the long-term consequences is one measure of growing up. Help your kids see the long-term consequences. That may be your most important influence.

It’s easy to approve drinking at home as “no harm done.” But this exception is a bad step because adolescents who begin drinking before 15 instead of after 21 are four times more likely to develop alcohol dependence, the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism says.

Yet the average age at which Americans begin drinking is 15.9 years and every day over 11,000 American youth 12 to 20 try alcohol for the first time, says the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse at Columbia University. So begins the long story of a teenager’s misunderstanding of responsibility—“I couldn’t help it, I was drunk.” Most underage drinking begins at home with parental consent and family tolerance. The majority of teenage alcohol abusers are merely copying their parents’ attitude.

Be a better model. Don’t send the message that alcohol is good for relaxing: “I’ve had a tough day, I need a drink,” or that behavior under the influence is somehow more genuine, natural or free because it’s more emotional and less thoughtful. Myths that alcohol won’t hurt you, that it improves your social skills, or clears your mind are only excuses leading to dependence.

Stick to your rules. No exceptions.