We parents lean toward wanting perfection and the kids always seem to be way short of that. Yet many parents feel that moments with their son or daughter are so few that they'd better get their complaints and corrections in while they can. Such a parenting style can make nearly all talks end in an argument.

Child-teen - "This terrorism business is awful."
Mom - "Well, you just have to learn to live with it. The world is dangerous."

Mom is next in for a "Yes, but..." exchange leading to an argument because her pace is too fast. Now the focus has changed to winning the argument. Mom will make her points and her daughter will struggle to stay even. Distracted now by the argument, her daughter will receive little help with her anxiety about terrorism. She just copies her mother's argumentative style of conversation and looks for mistakes to correct. Once again, a simple conversation becomes a competition.

Remember these habits in order to avoid the argumentative style with your children -

1) Deliberately slow your talking pace. The high speed of your chatter may leaves little time for agreement and companionship. It is also threatening because even a growing teenager lacks your skills at putting thoughts into words quickly.

2) Keep frequent eye contact and an attentive posture that shows you are listening.

3) Confirm you are listening by occasionally repeating, without opinion, what your child said.

4) Avoid too many fix-it solutions given too quickly. They make you sound superior and encourage defensive argument.