For many students, fear of bullies at school is real and justified. In fact, the U.S. Dept. of Justice estimates that 160,000 students will stay home each day because of bullies. Two or three children in every classroom spend their day afraid. They avoid unsupervised areas, playgrounds, restrooms, and the lunchroom to keep from being the repeated target of bullies.

It is not enough to tell the victims, students or teachers, that: "You're old enough to solve your own problems." Parents or school staff who chide the victims with, "Stand up for yourself," are often concealing their own fear of intervening and want to avoid getting into an aggressive confrontation.

What can a parent or teacher do? The single most effective deterrent to bullying is an adult authority. We parents and teachers should intervene. We can do it with a no-nonsense style, as a problem-solver and as a third person who smoothes things over.

Preventative school policies hold the bullies responsible for their behavior. Staff may feel uncomfortable confronting bully behavior and may ignore it. Or they may feel isolated, unsupported when it comes to intervening in the lunchroom,hallways, or on the playground. The power balance needs to shift--the pendulum needs to swing away from power for bullies and back to the school staff.

"No-Bullying Rules" and school policies that encourage students to speak out and to get adult help when needed should be suppported by parents. Our goal should be to protect the victims and to help the bully replace negative behaviors with skills that involve treating others kindly.

Staff and parents alike should exercise their authority in bullying situations, present a good model on how to handle the situations, and provide specific feedback to bully and victim. Strong, well-advertised school policies are in the best interests of aggressors and victims alike and will create a safe and friendly learning atmosphere where your student knows he or she will be supported and protected.