My first thought was that someone was showing him a bad example. I learned that Brian's dad wanted him to be tough and to stand up for himself. Unfortunately children seem to take our example further than we intended. So without the balance of years of experience his father had, Brian took his dad's guidance about courage and was becoming a bully. Luckily for Brian and his future, his father took advice from Brian's teachers, changed his message somewhat and joined in coaching Brian's Little League team where he could be a more frequent help in molding Brian's social habits.

Brian's mother wrote recently and said Brian was still aggressive, but he had taken on his dad's habit of pumping up the other players when his team was down and behind.

Changes at school have been harder. Talks about confrontations at school have helped Brian try other ways to handle problems. He surprised his dad this fall by saying, "When Mike started bugging me again, I tried what you do at baseball practice sometimes and asked him if he would like to try pitching if I caught for him. It threw him off for a minute but then he said yes. He quit bugging me for a while."

Although discipline is necessary when mistakes can't be tolerated, most child psychologists believe that 80 percent of a child's character grows from the example set by his parents. Even though we are sketchy on details of all but a few family moments, the impact of our parent's example is a major part of who we are. From teachers, parents and many others, we collect our experience and mold our character. The adults in our childhood become a permanent part of our makeup. Schoolteachers at the first fall PTA often enjoy a game of matching parents to students. They use physical characteristics, but they also look for little mannerisms and parental attitudes to help them accurately play the matching game of who's who.

We sometimes hear parents tell their child, "Do as I say, not as I do." This attitude only provides both parent and child with an excuse to avoid trying harder.

During every moment you spend with your children you are on stage. Your example, even in the unguarded moments, plays the most important role in your child's growing up. Remember this old Arab saying: "It's easier to lead a camel than to push him."