Our game was soccer and the problems started when I was asked to coach. I saw myself as a reasonable coach, of course, not at all like those other coaches going crazy when one of my players innocently committed a life-threatening foul.

Those other coaches were fanatics - a game and three practices a week plus one game and sometimes more on the weekend - usually on a field four exits beyond Cleveland. If I suggested my kids might miss a practice or game for a family event, you would think I had said something disloyal about our country!

So beware of the fanatics who can take all your child's time out of school with the bribe of a team t-shirt. Consider limiting the formal, outside of school, activities to one or two. That will leave you and your family at least two nights a week free of exhaustion and available for family activities.

In my third season as a sideline parent I started refereeing pre-adolescent players who ranged from the size of a small chicken to a Redskin linebacker. I found the big challenge was not controlling mis-matched players. It's the wild, screaming, would-be player-parents off the field who create the most trouble.

Since a foul could go for or against their perfect and innocent child, parents are sure referees are wrong 50 percent of the time. They're also quite sure that as soon as they find time to read the rule book, they will prove that their little darling would never "foul" one of those other little ruffians.

One trick to controlling the players is to learn names. If you call number 14 for pushing, he is likely to be innocent, incredulous, and grumpy. If you add, "Be careful, Mark, that's dangerous," Mark is personally embarrassed and has the nagging fear you're going to tell his mommy!

To control parents you need another strategy, you need to ask for volunteers. I don't know how they do it, but I have seen a dozen parents vanish in an open field when the word "volunteer" comes up.

The last rule I learned from soccer is to remember why the game is being played in the first place. Once parents take their child's success as a personal confirmation of their own success, all maturity is lost in the screaming. I had many embarrassed players ask to be substituted as soon as their parent arrived to watch.

So enjoy the game, not just for the success of your child, and not just for the score, but for the whole game. And help your child keep the game in perspective by your example. After all, it is just a game.