My best letter of the month describes the problem well: “Our 15-year-old thinks our car is her personal bus service. She says, ‘Drive me’ and we do it, but she’s not grateful. In fact, she is usually abusive in the car with bad language and a bad attitude.”

Parents don’t often retaliate when the kids are abusive because they don’t want to seem mean or act like a kid themselves, but yet we feel we have to object. We wouldn’t carpool with a grump for very long and the same should apply to the kids.

When that problem surfaced in my family, my wife and I tried a new strategy. When the next “drive me” demand came up, Mom said, “OK, but I don’t like riding around arguing with you, so it will take me a while to work up to it.” Sometimes a little honest feedback about not wanting to ride around with grumps is effective — even if you still provide the ride. Also, service was delayed. Maybe little-miss-bad-attitude will learn from that.

When they were finally in the car, grumpy 15-year-old said, “So what do you want to talk about?” Mom said, “Oh, well, what did you think of that movie last night?” A tolerable conversation began.

Imitation is a big part of disposition in kids. If an example is not set before them, how are they to know what to do or how to do it? Mom has to describe the behavior she doesn’t like, and then she needs to set a good example. Mom has to be careful not to play a circular game of “kid is grumpy, Mom gets grumpy, kid copies more grumpiness.”

Another parent wrote that his son was depressed and said, “He mopes around here, won’t do anything, and won’t be talked out of it. We’ve tried cheering him up and we’ve tried asking what’s wrong, but his reasons are always different — school, bad friends, bored, or nothing to do. His attitude makes me feel the same way.”

Again, Dad’s example is more likely to have an influence than his argument. Don’t worry that the kids don’t always listen — worry that they are always watching.

Yet, prolonged depression should be taken seriously. Few of us spend enough time talking with our children, but if talking about depression seems to be taken as a kind of sick entertainment, it may be time for someone else to do the talking — a counselor.

Diet and sleep habits play a large part in next-day depression. The National Sleep Foundation suggests teens and young adults should drink no caffeine, especially late in day. To reduce restless sleep, the foundation also suggests less food and fluids before bedtime, no late heavy meals, and no nicotine. A good example and a reasonable routine can make a big difference.