You might say much of life runs on the fear of punishment for coming up short. But punishment is intended to reduce behavior, not motivate action. Once the threat of punishment is withdrawn, as when a punitive teacher leaves the room, any power the threat of punishment had evaporates quickly.

In the examples of getting to work on time and preparing dinner, the threat of punishment is used to motivate good behavior. This common strategy creates a power struggle and a victim who would just as soon leave. Without a positive reaction for success, happiness is not possible in a family, a marriage or in life.

Most of us spend a great deal of our lives trying to avoid inconvenience and criticism. Mom and Dad can make home a real oasis in their child's life by making sure most strategies emphasize the good behavior with praise and support. Even a child can improve his experiences with his friends by following your model.

Teachers have learned the value of staying alert for successes and keeping the threats to only the necessary:

Teacher: "When I do the multiplication cards with Jerry today, instead of threats I'll ignore all his foolishness and concentrate on his success."

(Later) "OK, Jerry, let's try those multiplication tables."

Jerry: "Oh no! Not again!"

Teacher: (Ignores Jerry's remark, gets out the cards.) "How about this one?"

Jerry: (Looks at "4 X 10") "Just add a zero! Just add a zero," he sings loudly enough to get a laugh from others in the room.

Teacher: "That's right, but not so loud." (Oops, that slipped out. Jerry smiles a devilish smile.)

Jerry: (Beginning his most frequent behavior, foot swinging.) "Forty." (Springing his favorite trap of good and bad behavior together.)

Teacher: "Good." (With as little enthusiasm as possible.) "How about this one?"

Jerry: (Swings hard enough to kick the desk and stares in an exaggerated way at "9 X 9") "Could be eighty-one."

Teacher: "Yes, but what..." Teacher realizes the imminent error of attention for bad behavior and falls silent. Jerry kicks the desk again but gets no reaction.

Jerry: "It is eighty-one."

Teacher: "Right you are and that's a hard one, too!"

Careful work and attention to each reaction during these sessions can be a true test of the teacher or parent. Leg-swinging is likely to escalate to kicking before the student gives up and he may return to it now and then when boredom sets in. The teacher, withholding attention for bad behavior, watches for the sign and terminates the session when it seems there will be little opportunity for more positive reinforcement.