Two adults can be stronger than one and they can provide a model to children about how the members of the family should treat each other. Dad wouldn't let a stranger barge in and make demands of his wife at a restaurant and he shouldn't sit by when their child does it at home either.

How does the parent abuse habit get started? Of course a child's attitude comes from many sources, but again the relatives, friends, spouses, and extended family play a role from the beginning. They can make the effort to help or they can be part of the problem.

Eric: You can't find your keys? I can't believe it!
Jane: Just a minute. Here they are.
Eric: I swear, you would lose your head if you didn't have...

An adult game of "I-can't-believe-you're-such-a-klutz!" can be easily absorbed by the kids. It's no help to have an adult friend or relative show the children how to abuse or show disrespect for their parent.

Eric: This car needs some work.
Jane: Why don't you take it in Monday?
Eric: Me? You're the one who drives it the most.
Jane: I have to get to work early. You just lounge around until 8 anyway.
Eric: Hey, that cushy job of yours...
Jane: Wait, wait, let's just get the car fixed, okay?

You may think this argument is about car repairs and who should see that it gets done. But a child listening on the sidelines doesn't understand--doesn't care to understand--the details of dropping a car off for repairs. As with their own conversations, children have their "antennae out" and are more interested in what the conversations say about how the people feel about each other than in the content of the conversation. They often get it wrong.

So after a simple disagreement about the car, Eric may be surprised to hear Jenny say, "You don't like Mommy, do you?"

"What? Of course I do, whatever gave you that idea?"

The misunderstanding can be corrected, but the temptation to imitate the attitude they heard will linger on. The impression will only be corrected by future examples from you--and from the aunts, uncles, and other adults in your child's world.

Dr. McIntire is the author of Raising Good Kids in Tough Times.