Even children with confirmed disabilities or discipline problems will note parent reactions, adjust to those reactions, and then react themselves. So it is not only a matter of finding the diet and allergy reasons for a troublesome behavior and sorting out the need for medications, it is also working out the influence a parent should have every day.

Other adults in your family or extended family can be a help or a hindrance when your child begins to outgrow toys and Sesame Street. Spouses and relatives can add balance if they stay on your side. A moment when you are supported by, "Hey, don't talk to your mother like that!" can be welcomed help when your teen-child is straining at the leash.

Whether you are on your own or in a partnership, other parents can also help you work out solutions to bad behavior and provide the assurance that others have problems similar to yours. A few calls or an announcement in a church newsletter will produce parents who are willing to take an evening a month for a parent coffee. Moms Club is a national organization of parent support groups. There may be one in your area.

Good and bad parenting styles are common topics among parents. When a story comes up one will say, "That's not how I would handle it" or, "I would want to be sure he got the message that (his behavior was not acceptable) (I set the limits) (he is still loved).

It's hard to put a parenting philosophy into words and even harder to change it. Each parent’s style comes as much from the behaviors they look for as from the consequences they use. Because bad behaviors are more noticeable than good, a parent’s style can become more negative without a support group.