Going from father to grandfather, I also went from daughters to grandsons. The transition was difficult. I went from the gender with the highest grades in school and the least likely to need school discipline, to the gender most likely to be disciplined and 6 times more likely to have childhood accidents (with sticks, stones, bicycles, and baseball bats).

Later on, the boys will be more likely to have trouble with the law, with driving, and with alcohol and other risky behaviors. Is all this genetic?

Some of it must be. But there are positive and negative contributing factors from parents and grandparents.

Many parents, teachers, and counselors believe girls are more socially skilled at an earlier age and therefore may attract more support, acceptance, and admiration than their brothers. Boys on the other hand, seem to want only to be competent and admired for it. They seem to shun the gushier praise.

Parents shouldn't be misled by a son's bland reaction. It's often part of a self-defeating conspiracy on the part of boys to prove they are not influenced, fending off sincere praise in the years they need it most.

The lack of enthusiasm from a son may lead the parents to conclude that compliments and admiration don't work and therefore they should lay off the positive approach. This is a deadly spiral.

The proof is in the long term. Parents should not be misled by short-term rebuffs because the long-term results may be surprising.

The temptation to let boys go their own way, with only discipline and a trickle of support from parents, is destructive to skill development in boys.

Dads are particularly vulnerable to taking up this strategy and come off as never really approving of anything their son does. Dads can also easily fall into competition with their sons and hold back on compliments for fear of appearing weak.

A strange effect of sexism in our culture is that girls sometimes survive childhood better than boys because they make an earlier contribution to the family, particularly in the domestic chores. They enjoy early appreciation and are encouraged to do even more.

While "protecting" a boy from drudgery, parents can run the risk of driving their son to find other activities that show he can "do something."

Threatened by his perceived "worthlessness," he will cast around for a way to show off - what will he find? Will it be a suggestion from his Mom or Dad? Or something away from his parent's influence and encouraged only by peers with mischief in mind?

Competition for parental influence will come from a child's expanding circle of friends. While parents feel obligated to hold to limits that are not always popular, friends are likely to encourage a wide range of risky behavior.

Positive support is the major advantage parents have in competing against their child's friends who encourage and criticize without much thought.